Rat
by bexerinne
Summary: Mike's confession was unexpected at best. A confession like that could leave anyone confused. Conflicted. Anyone would have to think after hearing those words, consider them carefully. Paige certainly does.


**[insert witty disclaimer about not owning anything here]**

**Paige's thoughts in a sort of stream of consciousness style of writing. It takes place at the end of Smoke Alarm, right after Mike's confession to Paige. Basically, these are her thoughts, as conflicted as they are. Let me know what you think?**

Rat

One foot in front of the other.

_Move forward – not back. Do not look back._

_Look back. Go back. Listen._

_Don't._

_Just go. Listen. That's it. That's all. That's all you have to do._

_Don't. _

_You'll regret it if you don't._

_Yes. You will; either way. Keep going._

_Just keep going._

Deep breaths, in and out.

_He'll be okay._

_Not a chance in hell._

_The doctor said._

_The doctor is uninformed._

_He survived this long on his own._

_Except he wasn't alone._

_Where it counts, he was._

_But that wasn't his doing, wasn't his choice._

_Then why did you leave? Why not let him speak?_

_He still did it._

_Exactly._

_But he told me._

_No. He did not._

_He tried._

_And failed._

_Which was my fault._

_Was it?_

_I walked out. I left._

_Because he couldn't._

_He wouldn't have._

_He would._

_But it wasn't him. It was me. I left._

_And?_

_He was trying to explain. Trying to tell me._

_And failing. What were you supposed to do? Comfort him? Tell him that everything was going to be okay?_

_Yes. …. No._

_No._

_Still, it wasn't his fault._

_His actions are his choice. His responsibility._

_His hand was forced._

_Was it? Do you know that?_

_No._

_He made his bed. Now he has to lie in it._

_It isn't that simple._

_Isn't it though?_

_No._

_But, it is. Actions have consequences. He knew that; he knows that. He knew what he was doing. He knew it would have consequences._

_But he didn't like it._

_Irrelevant._

_It isn't._

_It is. Maybe he didn't like it. Maybe he did. Either way, he did it. It is done. Liking it or not does not change that. Nothing does._

_It doesn't change what he did, no. It changes the reason._

_The reason? He had his orders. He carried them out. Nothing more._

_Precisely. Orders._

_And the cost? The effects of his actions? What of that?_

_It is what it is. _

_It didn't have to be. He earned trust; he used it. Then, he destroyed it. What about that?_

_He had to._

_Does that make it any better? Do you feel better? _

_No._

_What about how he feels?_

_What about it?_

_Doesn't that matter?_

_Now? No._

_It should._

_Before, you didn't know. You were worried about a friend. Now, you know. You know he wasn't a friend. Not then. How he feels now, about this, is his own doing. It is his fault. You do not have to feel anything about that._

_He was a friend._

_He lied. About everything._

_Not everything._

_Close enough._

_No, it isn't._

_It is. _

_You know what kind of person he is._

_Yes, a liar._

_People lie._

_Obviously._

_You've lied._

_Not like that. Not like the way he did._

_You have._

_It was the job. _

_So was his._

_It's different._

_Is it?_

_Yes. _

_He was investigating a suspect too, you know. He was doing exactly what you do, what you all do._

_But he was doing it to us._

_No. To Briggs. He was doing it to Briggs._

_He did it to us all. We were all there. _

_And that is what this is about, isn't it? If it wasn't, there wouldn't be a problem._

_But it is, and there is._

_And?_

_No one else knows. Not one._

_True._

_What about that?_

_What about it?_

_That shouldn't be on me._

_It doesn't have to be._

_It does. He told me. It is now._

_Sometimes in Graceland it's good to have secrets. You said it._

_I did._

_Did you mean it?_

_I did._

_Still?_

_Yes._

_Well._

_Sometimes is conditional. Sometimes it is; sometimes is isn't. _

_And which is this?_

_I don't know._

* * *

**There it is. The end. For something like this, I think that time would be needed for a more complete understanding and resolution. As this the moments right after, there hasn't been the time, and as such an incomplete resolution.  
**

**Thoughts?**

**-Bex**


End file.
